Random bits of nothingness all pulled together into this thing called life

I was walking through Target yesterday, bombarded by visual reminders that not only am I reproductively challenged, I’m also an orphan. Really, I’m not upset about not being a Mom, despite a quote by a sales rep in Cleveland in a recent Newsweek article, I know there is more to look forward to later in life than wrinkles. A childfree life can be quite fulfilling and you get to spend that college tuition money on a cute little sports car. I do have my two fur children Sadie and Max and they got a preapproved Visa card offer in the mail the other day so maybe they’ll surprise me with a new chew toy from Petsmart.

One thing I’m very grateful for today is that, my Mother-in-law lives an ocean away in England. However, they don’t celebrate Mother’s Day in May like we do and yes I found that out the hard way when I neglected to wish her a happy “Mothering Sunday” in March that first year we were married. Oh sure Ken brought flowers to her house that day but I thought he was just being nice but of course he didn’t bother to clue me into the reason. He just assumed I knew and I just assumed that all of those card shops were really excited about Mothers Day and wanted to get those cards out super duper early.

One of the first things Ken learned about men in America when we moved here was that its their duty to barbecue. Oh sure they BBQ in the UK but only on the two Saturday’s of the summer when the country isn’t soaked in rain, here in Florida, the land of sunshine, a BBQ could happen any time and he’d need to be prepared, he quickly realized he lacked BBQ experience. He consulted with a friend of ours who taught him that real men don’t just walk into the kitchen to cook; they go outdoors and use charcoal and flames, the more flames and smoke the better. The danger of smoke and fire puts the MAN back in the caveman. They Barbecue!

Ken takes his role as husband quite seriously and wanted to be the best husband in the world to me and when he heard that the green card applicants in Florida had a special interview section on BBQing he knew it was something he had to master because there was no way in hell he was giving up living in the land of sunshine and going back to that cold rain soaked city called London.

On Saturday he flexed his caveman BBQ skills and smoked a piece of beef that was simply cooked to perfection, grilled corn on the cob and I made fruit salad for dessert. My sister joined us for dinner and I got a little Mother’s Day gift from Sadie and Max that my sister helped them pick out, a ped egg. It was a nice evening.

Sunday we have a trip to the park planned so the guppers can play and later he’ll fill up the foot spa so I can pamper my cavewoman feet and try out the new ped egg. I’m a little scared of it, it sort of looks like a cheese grater for feet. I know several people who have them and they have all raved about it, none of them have complained of cheese grated feet so I’ll be brave and try it. Hopefully it won’t be like the Epilady I bought in the late 80’s; the infomercial that made hair removal look so easy and painless. It hurt so bad I had to drink half a bottle of wine just to use the damn thing, my eyes still water and I feel slightly hung-over just thinking about it.

Aside from the commercialism of the holiday, I really believe that Mom’s are very special and should have more than one special day in the year. So for all of you mothers out there, be it of two legged children or four legged children, Happy Mother’s Day!

And for all of you in the UK who celebrated Mothering Sunday in March….sorry I missed it again, but can you do me a favour? (not a favor but a favour) Can you go leave some flowers on my mother-in-laws front gate? Just sign the card: Happy Mother’s day from your son and the Yankee bitch. Thanks so much!